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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25049536">Sometimes you have to make it hurt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bewhoyouare/pseuds/Bewhoyouare'>Bewhoyouare</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Killing Eve (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:41:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25049536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bewhoyouare/pseuds/Bewhoyouare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Takes place directly after the screen fades to black after the season 3 finale.  Villanelle and Eve walk away from each other.  Villanelle faces the consequences of her actions.  But will they meet again?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sometimes you have to make it hurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I have never written fanfiction...but Killing Eve has driven me to try. Any comments welcome as i learn my way.  I may edit this slightly as i get further into the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Villanelle POV</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knows she shouldn’t stop and turn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knows she needs to keep walking. But part of her just needs to know if Eve turned around for her or if she kept walking. There is a part of her that expects to just see the back of Eve as she is walking away, but there is another part that deep down hopes she will have stopped and turned around. The problem is, she knows that whatever happens they cannot walk off this bridge together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She has to let her go. But she just needs to know. She needs to know if she turns around for her. She breathes in and out. Pain can be seen across her face as she knows whatever she sees when she turns around, she still needs to walk away from Eve. More for Eve’s safety than anything else. Eve cannot be anywhere near her for what she knows is coming next. This is her mess and she has to deal with it, regardless of what happens to her. Eve must be safe. She waits a few seconds more and turns.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eve is facing her. Her heart is beating so fast its all she can hear. They lock eyes and she cant help but let out a little smile. She wants nothing more than to live out a Hollywood ending like she has seen in so many movies. Movies she wished she had got to watch with Eve by her side. No no, she is walking back to me. No Eve. No.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They are about 20 meters apart now. Their eyes locked the whole time. Villanelle hasn’t moved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No Eve. Stop. Wait.” Eve stops in her tracks. Confusion on her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? We need to talk about this. Why do you get to make all the decisions?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to let you go Eve…you can’t be around me. I need you to walk away from me. We both know I wont be able to do it alone. It’s not safe to be around me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I come a bit closer so we are not shouting at each other around all these normal people?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Villanelle fights with herself, but she knows it makes sense. She just keeps saying in her head you cannot let her walk away with you, idiot, to try and keep some sort of focus and not be distracted. Eve approaches her slowly but with determination. Never talking her eyes away from Villanelles. Villanelle knows that Eve will be able to see the tears which have been building in her eyes for the last few minutes and tries to blink them away. Failing as she does.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can smell her. Smell that scent that is distinctly Eve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi Eve” – Villanelle smirks as she says it. Trying to look confident and her normal self.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s going on? Don’t be a dick, tell me the truth. “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Villanelle takes in a deep breath. Not knowing whether to tell her the truth or to make up some bullshit lie to drive her away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You asked me to help you Eve. This is the only way I can. If you want to make it stop, we have to move on from this. If I am around you, and you are around me – there is no way I can help you. We need to put an end to this now.”</p>
<p>“So that’s it? You can just walk away? You have been trying to chase me for years, but now when its all over and you apparently want to leave the Twelve, we walk away?”</p>
<p>“You know me Eve. You know I just love the chase. But all of that is over now, I got you. You can stop the monster and go back to a normal life. Come on. You know I can’t actually have anything normal. Do you really think we could have some sort of normal life – whatever that means. What would we even be?”</p>
<p>It kills Villanelle to have said all of that. She wants nothing more than to run away with Eve. Lead a normal life. Well, normal for them. She is trying to push down the feelings that Eve has always brought to the surface.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you. Whatever our relationship is or was, I know it was more than that.  Why are you being like this!?”</p>
<p>“Remember what I have told you before Eve. The only thing that makes you interesting, is me”</p>
<p>Keeping a little trademark Villanelle smirk on her face as she says it. Villanelle is breaking her own heart with her words, but she needs to drive her away. Eve’s eyes are now filled with tears as she stares at Villanelle in disbelief. So all of her loss and ruining of her life was for nothing? This was all a game to Villanelle? Eve refused to believe it. She has seen the truth, she has felt it. She felt it today in the ballroom.</p>
<p>“I don’t know why you are trying to hurt me. But I know you are making up some bullshit right now. I know you Villanelle.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know me Eve. You know what I have let you see. Now, I am only going to tell you this once more. Turn around and walk away. I wont tell you again.”</p>
<p>The look on her face has changed. She looks like the old Villanelle. The one that used to kill for fun.</p>
<p>Eve takes a risk and puts her hand on Villanelles cheek like she has done before. Cupping it and looking her in the eye with tears beginning to overflow from her own. Villanelle almost looks like a caged animal not knowing where to look or whether to fight or run. Eve rubs her thumb along her cheek slowly.</p>
<p>“I know you don’t want this. But I will walk away. I don’t know if you are struggling to deal with your feelings or conflicts or whatever. But I am not going to stand here and force you to do anything you don’t want. So if you don’t want to be in my life and that’s the truth then I will walk away.”</p>
<p>Villanelle doesn’t move or say anything. Just waits for Eve to take the step and turn around. She doesn’t know how long she can keep this façade up. With one last stroke of her thumb, Eve lets go and walks in the other direction. Villanelle lets out a sigh. A sigh that is filled with the choked up tears she has kept bottled inside. She turns the other way and walks.</p>
<p>Is this what love is? She doesn’t know. She has never felt this feeling before.</p>
<p>The truth is – Villanelle knows that she isn’t leaving London alive. She knows that after killing Helene’s little pet in the Tube station, the Dasha event, the messy kill and more that they will be coming for her. She is ready, but she can’t have Eve anywhere near her when it happens.</p>
<p>As she continues walking, tears slowly falling down her cheeks she notices a couple of men dressed in black standing at the edge of the bridge. Well at least they waited until I was alone I guess.</p>
<p>She thinks about turning around to check that Eve is out of eyesight. But she doesn’t have time.</p>
<p>“Hello Villanelle. Would you be so kind as to not cause a scene and get in this van please?” We really don’t want to attract any attention to ourselves out here in public do we? Especially given Eve is probably still close enough for us to catch?”</p>
<p>She looks over to the van and begins to walk towards them. She knows she has no weapons, no way out. She doesn’t recognise the men. Probably part of the clean up crew or something. She begins to replay some of the best moments of her life over in her head as she approaches the van. Wondering if she will be able to play them in her head for much longer once she sets foot in the van.</p>
<p>It's painful as all of the moments have happened in the last 3 years with Eve.  The number one memory having happened in the last 24 hours when she finally got to hold her against her.</p>
<p>She is a few meters away. She takes one last look at the bridge. Eve is still there and running towards them. Fucking idiot, Eve! What did I just say to you! She feels a push from behind and she is bundled in the van. She doesn’t put up a fight as that will delay their departure and she knows Eve will have caught up to them. She closes her eyes in the back of the van. She is lying on the floor and there are 3 men putting her in restraints. She regrets looking back at the bridge as she now has the burning memory of Eve running towards her with pain and panic written all over her face.</p>
<p>
  <em>i love you Eve.  Even if you don't think i do.</em>
</p>
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